As grandparents of an aborted child, you may be experiencing a deep pain. You may be remembering the aloneness you felt when faced with your child's pregnancy. You may share your sense of inadequacy when, after the fact, you discovered that an abortion had been chosen. You may remember your concern for your daughter or son and your desire for them to be free to move on with their lives. And you sometimes remember your disappointment, and perhaps anger, at the fact that your child's life took an unexpected turn such as this. And sometimes you remember the deeply personal loss of your grandchild.
We are sorry for your loss. We encourage you to begin your healing journey so that, if in the future, your child seeks you out to journey with them as they resolve an abortion loss, you will be free to do so. Quite honestly, at this time, written resources and support groups for grandparents are few. However, we are working on encouraging the formation of such groups and pursuing the publication of more literature that will help support you. At this time, we can offer you a compassionate ear and try to connect you with others who can understand and support your healing journey.
Sometimes the parents of the mother and father of the aborted child struggle after learning of an abortion decision. They express a sense of personal sadness and loss. They might express a sense of disappointment that their child made this decision without consulting them. Sometimes they express some anger over the turn of events. They often express great concern for their son or daughter.
Grandparents often describe their experience in these terms:
- Loss of a dream for their child
- Grandfathers particularly may be filled with rage and may act it out through involvement in the pro-life movement.
- "Where did we go wrong? Where did we fail him/her? Why couldn't they tell us?"
- Sense of failure
- May carry the burden of the abortion decision if they actively encouraged or forced the abortion.
- Grandmothers may carry the burden alone if they encouraged the abortion in order not to tell the grandfathers.
- Desire to make their daughter get "better" if they see her grieving or struggling
- Feelings of inadequacy in discussing abortion and its aftermath with their son or daughter.
Resources for Grandparents:
- "Scarlet Christmas"...a book by Joy Parker; published by Laser Press. Available from the National Office of Post Abortion Reconciliation and Healing.
We want to do all we can to help you. Please e-mail us or call us at 1-800-5WE-CARE if you have any questions or need advice. We'd love to hear from you!